yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
