Pappa wants mamma naked
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
