I am midnight drunk by noon
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The Olympian is in my bed
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