I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have fence marks all over my body
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
