My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
