I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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