I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
