making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
