i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Your penis caused this!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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