Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
