We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
