I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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