Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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