I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
is wine microwaveable?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
try to milk me bitch
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
