These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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