Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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