Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
