sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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