We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have fence marks all over my body
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
