he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
