I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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