he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
