think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
