She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
