Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
