She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Enjoy the penises
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
