I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
