FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
