He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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