i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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