I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
