Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I smell stomach acid.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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