you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize