She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You left your phone here
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