I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
