It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
