Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
