That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
