I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
True strength comes from lack of pants
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize