YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
