I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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