So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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