Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
