i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
