You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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