I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
