I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
