At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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