Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
