So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
