is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
