I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
They have beer where we have blood.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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