Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
