have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
