yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
