ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize