You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
