You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
this just has baby written all over it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
