My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I met the friendliest cop last night
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
