Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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