my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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