forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
