You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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