he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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