The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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